Hope(less) (Judgment of the Six) Read online

  He let out a gusty sigh and bent his head to nudge the clothes I still held.

  “You don’t like the clothes or that I’m going out?” I was watching his face trying to figure out what he was getting at. He actually bobbed his head yes. “You don’t like both?” He lowered himself down onto the mattress and watched me with his sad puppy eyes, not trying to communicate further. “You’re really frustrating me, Clay.” I moved to get up and he growled again.

  “Now, hold on…” I did get up, but spun with my hands on my hips to look him in the eye, and whispered fiercely, “I’m trying here Clay and you’re not. So stop growling at me, got it? And so what if I go out? Do you trust me so little? Have you not been paying attention? I’m not comfortable around guys. It’s not as if I’m going to go out tonight and come back with a boyfriend or something. So, just chill out about your claim, alright?”

  He quietly growled at me, now giving me his dog-eyed glare. In his mind, he and I shared a tie. I knew that. I also knew from a werewolf standpoint, in a strongly tied pair, the male often acted in an extremely possessive manner. If other unmated males came near before the claim is completed, there was usually a fight. Sometimes to the death.

  “But we’re not talking unmated males,” I whispered to him thinking aloud. “They’re just men.”

  He chuffed out his canine laugh and hopped from the bed to walk toward me. I couldn’t help it, after all that barking and growling, I stepped back from him. His sides heaved a sigh and he stopped advancing.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled knowing the fear I felt would disappoint him. He’d done nothing but try to communicate why he didn’t want me to go out tonight. Granted his methods of communication could use improvement.

  “Let me think Clay.” I sat on the edge of the bed while he remained on the floor, standing tall, watching me. I still didn’t understand what continued to bother him. The date wasn’t with a werewolf. I had no interest in the person. I only wanted to go as a favor to Rachel. And the clothes were the only ‘going out’ clothes I had.

  “Can we compromise? I don’t want to be spending the entire year sitting at home with a possessive dog who won’t talk to me…” Yeah, that sounded weird. “What if we went somewhere dog friendly? There’s a bar with cute little bistro tables on the sidewalk. If you’re on your leash, you could come.”

  He stood, turning around so he faced away from me and sat again.

  “Is that a yes?” I whispered leaning to the side in an attempt to see his face. He didn’t move.

  “I’m taking that as a yes. If you turn around while I’m changing I’m going to have you neutered.” He just laughed again, so I hurried into my skirt and switched my t-shirt for the fitted top.

  As my head cleared the neckline, I met his eyes in the mirror. Thank the stars I hadn’t changed any underthings. “Hope it was worth it,” I said. “You’re on the couch tonight.”

  Rachel and Peter sat on the couch talking when I walked out of my room. “All set, but can we change our plans? I think Clay was freaking out because he knows we’re leaving. He’s been left alone so much this week.” Rachel predictably made soothing noises and went to cuddle Clay, which he tolerated with as much dignity as a man in fur and a collar can muster. “What if we went to that bar with the bistro tables that you were telling me about?”

  Rachel leapt at the idea, “That’d be perfect. It’s still nice enough out. Besides, I think this is the last week they do the outdoor dining. We should go before it’s closed for the season.”

  But Peter stalled, asking, “Are you sure he will be okay? He looked pretty aggressive in there.”

  Rachel stopped petting Clay to look back at Peter, “He’s never done that before. I think Gabby might be right. We’ve been leaving him alone a lot. I even forgot to let him out this morning before I left.”

  Peter looked adoringly at Rachel and I knew we’d be going to the bistro bar. “Let me grab my shoes. I’ll follow you guys in my car just in case I need to leave early.”

  “I’ll let Clay out.” Rachel got up and walked to the back door calling for Clay to follow.

  Clay in turn looked imploringly at me.

  After what he just pulled, I had no pity. “You know the drill. Go do dog business.”

  He left the room without a backward look. I went to the hall closet to search for my black flip-flops, the best footwear I had to offer the outfit, and grabbed a light jacket for when the sun went down and the temperature dropped.

  “You talk to him like he’s a person,” Peter noted.

  “I tease her for it all the time,” Rachel remarked, smiling as she walked in from the kitchen to join us. “You should hear her scolding him at night for taking up too much room on the bed.”

  Annoyingly, I started to blush. “Well, he’s huge,” I said in my defense, slipping my feet into the plain flip-flops, and made my way into the kitchen to grab my keys. “Most the time I have to sleep curled up. But I’m sure I’ll appreciate him more in winter.”

  Clay already sat in the passenger seat when I went out the back door, which meant he’d switched into his skin to open the car door. “You’re going to be seen doing stuff a dog shouldn’t do. That or someone’s going to call the cops because a naked man keeps popping up in my backyard.” He didn’t laugh this time so I looked at him closely while I started the car. “You okay?”

  Clay met my eyes and I wished that I could read him better. I couldn’t tell what bothered him now.

  As I backed out of the driveway, I laid down the rules. “No growling, no biting, no barking. Pretty much no anything, but acting like a passive well behaved dog.”

  Peter drove a red compact. I followed him through traffic with ease as I continued to lecture Clay. “I’m really nervous about this and don’t want to worry about you too.” I sighed and started doubting my decision. Although Clay had witnessed how the guy who sold me the car had acted, he didn’t know how guys acted around me in general. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. He would flip out when someone started hitting on me.

  “Clay, you should know… men make me uncomfortable because of the way they act around me. They usually start flirting or ask me on a date. Most girls would be flattered by it, but if you really pay attention, there’s something unnatural about it. It’s like they can’t help themselves. And sometimes, after I’ve told them ‘No’ enough, they walk away with…” I groped for the right word, but came up blank. He’d remained focused on me as I spoke to him. “I don’t know. A look. Like they’d been caught doing something they were ashamed of. I just want to try for normal tonight, okay? It will be hard enough being in a public place… you’ll see. I just need to know you’re not going to make it any harder on me.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn to look out the window and reached over to pet him.

  Increasingly, I caught myself touching him as if he were a dog. If I didn’t think about him as a guy, petting him comforted me.

  “Does it bother you when I pet you?” I asked keeping my eyes on the road. I knew his answer when he contorted his large body to lay down with his head against my leg so I could reach him better. I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in a long while. “Okay. If I start annoying you with it, just move away. I promise I won’t pester you.”

  Peter considerately picked a parking spot for himself with a free space next to it for me. Clay unwedged himself as I parked. I grabbed the leash and snapped it on. He watched me exit and hopped out after me staying close to my side as we walked.

  Rachel and Peter politely included me in their conversation. It helped distract me from my nervousness about meeting Peter’s friend. I knew what to expect even if neither Rachel nor Clay fully understood. Peter’s lack of reaction to me had pleasantly surprised me. But his response wasn’t the norm. I just hoped Clay would behave.

  Scott waited for us at one of the tables outside. Peter had texted him the change of plans before we left. He stood when he saw Peter, a welcoming smile on his face, his hands loosely in his pockets. From a distance, I saw several female patrons sitting at nearby tables casting speculative glances his way. Fit and tall with light brown hair and a carefree smile, no doubt his good looks warranted it. But something about the way he held himself bothered me. It sent off an insincere vibe as if he’d practiced his pose.

  His smile turned secretive and cunning as his pale blue eyes fixated on me. The subtle change probably escaped everyone else’s notice, but not mine. Depressed, but hiding it well, I rested a hand on Clay’s back. Whether in comfort or restraint, I couldn’t be sure.

  “Scott, this is Gabby,” Peter introduced us when we stood next to the table.

  I smiled a tentative greeting, not offering my hand.

  “A pretty name you don’t hear often,” he murmured pulling out a chair for me. Taking that chair would put me across from Rachel, forcing me to sit between the two guys. Clay wouldn’t like that. He didn’t like the comment about my name either, but other than a twitch I’d felt with my hand on his back he behaved.

  “Would you mind if we switched spots, Scott? That way our dog,” I said, including Rachel since she fully supported Clay’s rights, “won’t be so close to people walking by. He’s very friendly, but big. I don’t want anyone being intimidated by him.”

  “No problem.” He sent me a reassuring smile and pulled out his own chair for me. Loosely holding Clay’s leash, I moved to the chair next to Rachel. Scott politely pushed the chair back in as I sat and leaned close to move his drink. Clay quickly moved to lie between my chair and Scott’s, which he nudged further away before Scott could sit. I pretended not to notice.

  We made small talk while we perused the menus. I felt Scott’s gaze continually return to me, but refused to look up.

  Each of the more experienced students shared their knowledge of the university, after we ordered. Scott offered, twice, to take me on an official tour when I admitted not knowing many of the campus locations they mentioned. After declining the second time, he looked less like the nice guy I’d met and more like a guy who would give me problems. I looked down at Clay. He still lay next to me, head on his paws. Only the twitch of his ears indicated his attention to the conversation.

  “Why not have a drink with us, Gabby?” Scott asked indicating my water.

  He hadn’t worried about what I drank until I’d evaded his invitations for a tour.

  “I’m a bit younger than the rest of you.” I glanced at Rachel and saw her studying me. Crap! Was she noticing? Was she getting mad? I should have stayed home. Folding my hands in my lap, I tried to play it cool.

  “Really? How old are you?”

  “Eighteen. I’m not much of a soda drinker either, so water works.” I tried to turn the conversation off myself, asking, “How much longer until you graduate?”

  “It depends on how far I want to go,” Scott said his intense smile relaxing a little. He nodded toward Peter. “Peter told me he declared his major freshman year and has never changed. I, on the other hand, have changed twice. I like what I’m learning now, so I hope I won’t change it again, but you never know. What about you?”

  “I’m going for massage therapy. So I won’t be here as long as the rest of you.”

  “Massage therapy? I hear they ask for volunteers to come in for those classes,” he said leaning in closer with a fascinated smile on his face. “If you ever need someone to practice on, let me know. I’d be happy to come in.” He reached over to pat my hand. The timely arrival of our food saved me from having to avoid his touch. It would have been awkward since my hands still rested in my lap.

  Clay nudged my leg to get my attention, his nose surprisingly warm and dry. He stared at me and then shifted his gaze to Scott, who remained distracted moving his drink for the waitress. Clay returned his glance to me and pulled his lips back in a silent snarl. Without the growl, it looked more like a scary crazy wolf smile, but I got his meaning. Scott was getting on Clay’s nerves, and Clay wouldn’t put up with too much more of Scott’s poor attempts at flirting.

  Food delivered, I thought I would be spared from more conversation, but Peter spoke up. “I think you’ll both be in some of the anatomy classes next semester, Gabby. If you want a study group, you should let Rachel and I know. I’ve already been through them,” here he gazed admiringly at Rachel, “and since you’re graduating in spring, I know you have to.”

  “Thank you, Peter, but I really do study best on my…” I tried declining, but Scott interrupted.

  “That’s a great idea. We should start now so the class won’t be so hard later. What do you think about Tuesday nights?”

  “It’s a good idea to get a head start,” I said ignoring Clay’s insistent bump against my leg, “but I’m so swamped with classes and homework now that I don’t even have time to take poor Clay for walks.” I reached over to pat Clay reassuringly, but stopped when I noticed Scott’s gaze drop to my chest. The cowl neck dipped away from me when I reached to pet Clay revealing a little glimpse of the shadows within. Scott’s eyes went from glassy fixation to glazed obsession. This was getting ridiculous.

  Turning back to my dinner, I ate a few bites quickly, preventing me from conversing. Unfortunately, Scott took the opportunity to try to slide his chair a little closer. Thankfully, Clay didn’t give an inch.

  “What’s your dog’s name?” Scott asked looking down at Clay.

  Rachel answered seeing my mouth full. “Clay.”

  Clay, I noticed, didn’t look up at the sound of his name, but instead tensed, laying his ears back. Time to go.

  “Nice name,” Scott commented absently. “Let’s bring him home after this and go out to a new club I heard was opening downtown.”

  “Rachel?” I looked at her pleadingly, hoping she’d know that I wasn’t begging to go out dancing.

  Her perceptive gaze locked on Scott. “I see it,” she said with a serious expression.

  “See what?” Peter asked puzzled.

  “Exhaustion,” she answered smoothly, “She’s been studying like crazy.” She waived over the waitress asking for boxes and the check for the two of us. “And she needs rest, not a night out.” She looked at Peter with a smile. “Although, I’m really glad we came.” My weak smile didn’t cover my gratitude at her diplomacy.

  I reached for my purse, which I’d hung on the back of the chair and Scott moved to grab my hand, desperation clear on his face. Clay stood abruptly knocking Scott’s hand out of the way.

  Hurrying now, I pulled out a twenty and laid it on the table while Rachel continued talking to Peter. “I better drive her home. You have my number. Give me a call if you want to do something next weekend.”

  The waitress came back with the bill and the wrapped up leftovers. Since Rachel still dug in her purse, I just handed the waitress the twenty after a quick glance at the bill, willingly paying for Rachel to help us leave faster. I also told her to keep the change, not wanting to wait. Two burgers and one drink left her a decent tip. I stood and Rachel shadowed me, ready to go.

  Clay bumped into me knocking me off balance so I had to grab Rachel for support. I turned, seeing that Scott stood now too, handing the waitress his portion of the bill. Poor Peter looked at us all, bewildered. His night out with Rachel was falling apart fast and I truly felt bad about it.

  “Rachel, you can stay with Peter. I don’t mind taking Gabby home,” Scott offered enthusiastically.

  I minded! I didn’t even need to look at Rachel for her to decline. “No, Scott, I think we’re done for tonight.” She waved to Peter and grabbed my hand.

  I went with Rachel willingly, relieved to escape before Scott’s desperation grew. Hearing an “oof” behind me, I panicked realizing I’d forgotten Clay and spun around in time to see Scott hit the ground. He’d tripped over Clay in his hurry to catch me. I suspected Clay had been purposely trying to slow Scott down.

  Clay wasted no time. He ran to me, bumping his head against my back to get me moving before Scott picked himself up again.

  I heard Peter say, “What the hell is wrong with you man? You come on too…” Their conversation faded as we quickly walked away letting Peter deal with Scott.

  “I’m sorry,” Rachel apologized. “You told me, but I didn’t really get it until tonight. Even the men sitting around us were eyeing you.”

  Too busy keeping an eye on Scott and Clay, I hadn’t noticed them.

  We continued to speed walk to the car, taking no chances. “No big deal. You should see me in some of my classes. ‘No’ is the most common word in my vocabulary.” I handed Rachel the keys when we reached the car. “You really can drive.”

  She nodded and we got in. Clay climbed into the back, stretching out so his head lay on the console between the two front seats.

  “Scott’s reaction was worse than most because he already considered me his date. If you say ‘no’, consistently and to everyone, it doesn’t get so bad.”

  Halfway home she pulled into a gas station, saying, “Tonight’s an ice cream night. Be right back.” She jumped out and strode into the convenience station with the determination of a girl on a shopping spree.

  Laying my head back, I sighed, and my hand found its way to Clay’s soft fur, petting his head and ears. He let out a gusty sigh, but stayed still so I figured he didn’t mind. I was just glad he wasn’t rubbing in that it’d been a disaster of a night out.

  Turning, I looked out the window, watching traffic zip past, and allowed myself just a small amount of self-pity. I would never be normal. I would never have a normal date. I kept trying to mold myself into something I could never be. Clay lifted his head under my hand and I reigned in my emotions knowing he could sense my melancholy.

  “I’m fine,” I whispered turning to meet his gaze. “How are you doing?” He scooted forward to lay his head on my lap in response. Yeah, that was pretty much how I felt.

  The door opened startling us both. Rachel slid in behind the wheel and handed me the bag. “I got double fudge brownie for each of us. Sorry Clay, chocolate’s poison for dogs, none for you.” She made me smile.